Miles

[The following transcript was partially recovered from Doctor Harold M. Lenny. His ongoing research with patient *REDACTED* was incomplete due to a technological error and failure to upload to the software. The following transcript will be included in his thesis on imaginary friends and children. Location of Patient *REDACTED* remains inconclusive. Please seek Doctor *REDACTED* for unrestored file access]

Patient—REDACTED. Age seven. Symptoms include visual and auditory hallucinations. Patient displays outward aggression and acute agitation. Patient displays physical violence to others and to self, 24 hour surveillance is advised.  

 Psychosis Prognosis—inconclusive, further testing/sessions recommended.

You aren’t supposed to talk about it, that’s what they keep saying. They pinch their faces up like they ate sour candy and say don’t say that again or you’re going to bed! They yell a lot, that’s fine, Miles says they are stupid—Miles doesn’t like it when people yell at me. I get to see a doctor now, his name is Mr. Lenny, but he says most kids call him Mr. Lemmon because he likes yellow—that’s okay, but Miles doesn’t like him. That’s all for now, bye!

                  Today I got to go see Mr. Lemmon again, his office smelled like candy and he said we could color. He even had a new packet of crayons with pointy tips, I really liked that. We drew my mommy and daddy and my big brother Eddie. I also drew Mr. Lemmon a bunch lemons smiling, he said he would put it on his wall! I think that’s pretty cool, he asked if I could draw Miles, and I almost did but Miles got really mad. When Mile gets mad he gets really big and I like that! But when Miles is mad he can be mean to people, and I don’t like that as much….well, sometimes I do…I’m not s’pose to talk about it. I didn’t draw Miles because I like Mr. Lemmon. He said it was okay that I didn’t want to, then we played with toys. I don’t feel like talking anymore, bye!

                  I am not happy today, my new mommy and daddy said I can’t talk about Miles anymore. They said Miles isn’t real and is a pigment of my ‘maginitation, I don’t know what that means but it made Miles very mad. Sometimes I like when Miles gets mad, sometimes Miles makes everything better. He likes to stomp and shout and he can be as loud as he wants because mommies and daddies can’t hear him—don’t tell anyone that, that’s one of Miles secrets. New mommy fell down the stairs today, new daddy got very mad at me and asked if I pushed her. What did you do you little, well, he said a naughty word, I won’t say it. Anyway, new mommy had to go to the hospital and new daddy said I had to leave. Good, I hope my new home doesn’t make me stop talking to Miles. I have to go, bye!

                  I don’t like Mr. Lemmon very much today, even if he has fun toys and silly music. He wanted to talk about new mommy and that made me mad. Miles said if I don’t want to talk I should play the dead doll game. Miles says grown-ups hate that game and he was right! I laid on the floor and pretended to be a dead doll, you can’t make dead dolls talk, not ever! Mr. Lemmon said it was okay if I didn’t want to talk, he said he understood things might be very scary right now. Mr. Lemmon is stupid. I’m going to go play with Miles. Bye!

                  New mommy went to go be with Jesus, new daddy said it was all my fault. A nice police man came and asked me questions, the old lady who drives me to my new home stayed with me the whole time—she smells kinda funny, but she made sure the police man was nice to me. Miles says the old lady is yucky, he says yucky things should be thrown away. I told Miles not to throw away the old lady, she brings me to places and I’m not big enough to drive…maybe Miles can drive?

                  I have a new mommy and daddy again! Their names are….I can’t remember their names, but they said I can call them mommy and daddy if I want. They even said it was okay if I talk to Miles. New mommy said she had a ‘maginary friend too. I wish people knew Miles wasn’t ‘maginary, but if they did he’d probably go to jail for hurting old mommy and real mommy. And Eddie too…I’m not supposed to talk about it. I get to see Mr. Lemmon today, I hope he has candy. New mommy and new daddy don’t have much candy here and I miss it. Okay bye!

                  Miles got big big mad today, he was roaring and stomping and one of the other kids here saw him and started to cry. I hate crying, I hate crying babies and I told Miles to shut the crying baby up. Miles likes it when I ask him to help me.

                  The old lady asked me what I did to my new brother, I said nothing. She asked me if Miles hurt my new brother and I didn’t lie because lying means you go to hill, so I said yes. She asked me what Miles did and made me talk into a silly box that recorded my voice—kinda like this I guess. I said my new brother was being a big crying baby pants and Miles shut him up—I said sorry for saying shut up because those aren’t nice words. The old lady looked very sad and mad when I said that, she asked well how did she make George be quiet then? I guess my new brother’s name was George. I said I couldn’t tell, it was a big secret, Miles hates it when I say secrets. The old lady said I would be seeing Mr. Lemmon soon, but I can’t stay with new mommy and daddy. That’s fine I guess. It’s time to go to Mr. Lemmon, bye!

                  Mr. Lemmon was really cool today, he even said Miles sounds like a really good friend! He said every kid should have a nice guy like Miles, and that made me laugh. He wants to find his own Miles, and I said I’d try and help him. Miles said no, he said Mr. Lemmon is a sneaky snake and should be shut up like George was. I’m glad Miles listens to me because I like Mr. Lemmon, maybe Miles is just cranky. Anyways, Mr. Lemmon asked if I was said about old new mommy and old new brother, and I had to lie and say yes—but shhh, because I’m not sad not even a little. Mr. Lemmon asked if I could draw Miles today and Miles said yes! I did my bestest job making sure Miles looked good! Mr. Lemmon didn’t have a red crayon today so I had to use pink—that made Miles look extra silly! Miles didn’t like that he looked silly, he didn’t get mad though. When Mr. Lemmon saw it his face went all funny, he asked if Miles scares me! I said no, but then I whispered in the beginning he did! Miles didn’t like that either, I hope Miles leaves Mr. Lemmon alone. The old lady is getting me McDonalds for dinner, so bye!

                  The old lady is no fun, she’s a no fun butthead and I hate staying with her! She said I have to stay with her until she finds me a lobster home…or roster home, I don’t remember the word. She told me it’s not my fault and she’ll find me a nice family soon. Miles wants to eat her up, he said she’ll be yucky but he won’t mind—Miles likes to eat lots of yucky things! He even ate that cry baby George….oops…don’t tell anyone that…okay bye!

                  Miles ate the old lady, I told him not to but he did! She even saw him! I couldn’t believe it but she saw my Miles and she tried to scream! But Miles is fast and big, he chomped her up and it was so yucky! I even threw up, I guess I don’t like it when Miles eats messy, it was like a messy spaghetti dinner. It made me kinda sad, I hope old new brother George didn’t cry the way old lady did….I’m glad I get to see Mr. Lemmon tomorrow, he’s a nice friend.

                  Mr. Lemmon asked me if Miles hurt the old lady, he called her Patty, this made me laugh because it sounds like crabby patty. I said yes, I told him not to tell because I didn’t want Miles to get in trouble. Mr. Lemmon asked if Miles is the one who pushed my first brother down the stairs, I made Miles mad because I told Mr. Lemmon yes. I’m not supposed to talk about it, but Mr. Lemmon is very nice and said he would make sure Miles didn’t go to jail. I guess that’s okay, I wish he didn’t eat the old lady, who will take me to new mommies and daddies now? Mr. Lemmon asked me what happened to my real mommy and daddy but Miles got very mad and roared, it was so loud my ears hurt and I think Mr. Lemmon got a little scared. He can’t see Miles but he saw something I think because he said it was time to be done for the day. I hope Miles stops being so hungry.

                  A nice police lady came today and brought me a sandwich and french-fries! She said she was doing her job and had to ask me some questions. I said OKAY, because I’m a big kid and I like to help! She told me to tell her what Miles did, and I felt really naughty but I said okay, because Miles should know I am not happy he ate up the old lady…old lady crabby patty haha! The police lady was really nice and smiled the whole time, even when I told her how Miles slurped up the old lady arms like big fat noodles. Yucky! She said I did a very good job and gave me a sticker, it looks like a star and it’s shiny! I really liked it, but Miles got mad and ripped it up. Maybe Miles isn’t a very good friend anymore.

                  I asked Mr. Lemmon if he could get Miles to go away! Miles is starting to scare me now and I don’t like it! He growls and shakes my bed and pulls my hair, he even makes me do bad things! I didn’t mean to write the bad words on the wall, but Miles made me do it! I’m staying in a home with lots of other kids, some of them are really mean and called me a word I don’t remember, but they say it a lot and it makes Miles laugh. I don’t like it when Miles laughs at me. I got in big trouble for writing the bad words on the wall, the mean man locked me in my room for the whole day and then called Mr. Lemmon. I told Mr. Lemmon Miles isn’t being a good friend anymore, he said he would help me. Now I’m scared for Mr. Lemmon, I hope Miles leaves him alone. Bye.

                  Miles made me hurt a girl today, he said the little girl was a big meanie pants and told me to make her go away. I didn’t want to make her go away, I thought she was nice and she always shared her toys with me. Miles said she was only pretending to be nice, Miles said she was actually mean and called me names when I wasn’t around. That made me angry, but I didn’t want to hurt her….I don’t think I did…Miles said I did want to hurt her, that’s why I did it. But that’s not true! Miles made me do it, I hope Mr. Lemmon lets me see him soon, I don’t want to go to jail for hurting that little girl! Bye.

                  Mr. Lemmon asked me draw Miles again, but this time he wanted me to draw all the ways Miles hurt my old mommy and daddy, even Eddie. I don’t like to talk about that but I did because I know Mr. Lemmon is trying to help me. When I was drawing Miles hurting mommy and daddy Miles started breaking the pictures on the wall, he even ripped up the picture I made for Mr. Lemmon. Mr. Lemmon started shouting when Miles did that and got very scared. Miles made a big big mess and I didn’t get to finish my drawing. I hope Mr. Lemmon isn’t mad at me. Bye.

                  I don’t get to see Mr. Lemmon anymore, the new doctor lady said Mr. Lemmon had a very bad accident. No one will tell me if Mr. Lemmon is okay, but Miles says he ate him up. He says he ate him up very slow and made sure Mr. Lemmon cried a whole lot. That made me cry, I don’t like Miles anymore, I wish he would go away!

                  The new doctor lady is named Lisa, she isn’t as smiley as Mr. Lemmon was and she doesn’t have candy. She likes to talk about Miles and that makes Miles angry. He even broke the pictures on her walls, but she didn’t yell at Miles she yelled at me! I said I’m not doing it, I said Miles is doing it! She even asked a man in a white shirt and white pants to give me a shot and it hurted a whole lot! I cried until I fell asleep and when I woke up I was in a big room with a bed and a bunch of things that go beep beep beep. I even have wires on my head! The nice nurse man said I can pretend to be a robot. I like him. I get to still talk into this little box they said, because it helps the doctors understand me! That’s okay I guess….okay bye.

                  That mean Lisa lady is gone, the nice nurse man said she found a new job far away. Miles said that was a lie, that the nice nurse man is a fibber and that Miles made her car go crash crash boom. That’s okay, she was a mean old booger lady anyways. I wish Miles would be nice again, he says maybe he should eat me too. I’m very scared, I wish Mr. Lemmon could help me. Bye.

                  My name is Susie Steple, they said I should say my name, so hi I’m Susie. I used to have a mommy and a daddy and a brother named Eddie, but my ‘maginary friend Miles hurted them very bad. The new doctor says I shouldn’t say that, they says I should say the truth even if it makes me very sad. The new doctor says I need to stop talking about Miles, he says I did the bad things. I didn’t do the bad things, I’m Susie, not Miles! I wish Miles had never crawled out from under my bed. Bye.

                  The new doctor says I am untable…or something. The new doctor is very mean and keeps saying I am lying. I take yucky pills now and they make me feel icky. I sleep a lot now and I don’t like playing much anymore. Miles likes to pull my hair and scratch me and it makes me mad. When I get mad the mean doctor comes and gives me more shots. They hurt a lot and my arm is always sore now. Miles says he will eat me up soon, I’m very scared. I miss Mr. Lemmon. I miss my old mommy and daddy. I don’t miss Eddie. Okay, bye.

                  Today a lady and a man came from the gobermint, they had a big folder with lots of pictures and papers inside. I don’t know how to read that good yet and the man said that was A OK, I thought that was funny. I’m still very sleepy, they said the medicine I take can make me sleepy, but I can stop taking them if I try and get better. I don’t like this place with the mean doctor and the mean nurses—no one is very happy here and I think that makes Miles happy. Miles is hungry again, he says he’s going to eat up a little boy who cries a lot. I hate cry babies, but I hope he leaves that little boy alone. I told him to not eat that sad boy and he roared at me and shook me real bad. My head hurts now. The mean doctor said I had an episode, I don’t understand because I wasn’t watching TV. The mean doctor is stupid, if Miles eats anyone I hope he eats him. Bye.

                  The cry baby boy is gone, the mean nurses keep asking me what I did. I cry a lot now, I hate crying, but they won’t believe me when I say I didn’t do it! I try not to talk about Miles, I’m not ‘spose to talk about him, when I say Miles the mean doctor gets very mad and says I am going to go to kid jail if I don’t stop it. I think he’s not ‘spose to talk to me like that because one of the mean nurses told him to knock it off. Maybe that nurse isn’t so mean. Miles is still hungry, I think he ate up that little boy, his belly is very big now and I can hear lots of screaming inside his big stinky belly. Miles says I will be in his big belly soon too. That is very scary, I can’t tell anyone though because I’m not ‘spose to talk about Miles. Bye.

                  Today the lady and the man from the gobermint took me away from the mean doctor. I am very happy, they said they don’t mind if I still talk to the little box, and that makes me happy. The lady said they weren’t really from the gobermint and were only pretending, she asked if I like to pretend and I said yes! She said if I wanted to stay away from the mean doctor I needed to pretend she was my mommy, that’s fine, she’s nice! The man is very silly and likes to wear lots of necklaces, I know one of them, it’s the cross for Jesus! I don’t know the others though, but they are pretty. The man says he is going to help Miles go away, he says Mr. Lemmon had called him before Mr. Lemmon had his bad bad accident. I hope he is right. He said his name is Charlie, he said it’s like Charlie Brown. I don’t know who that is. The lady said her name is Julie, I like that. Miles is still with me, he can make himself very small when he wants and he likes to hide in dark places. I told Charlie and Julie Miles is following us and they said that was A OK, that made me laugh again. Bye!

                  Julie likes to splash water on me sometimes, that makes me laugh because it’s like the sprinkler parks at the fourth of July. She asks if it makes me feel funny and I say no. She asks if it makes Miles mad and I say no. They want to know what makes Miles run away and I was very sad when I said nothing makes Miles run away. They like to talk quietly a lot, they say they are having grown up talks, but they give me candy and McDonalds and that is alright with me. Miles says he’s hungry and wants to eat Charlie, but I don’t think he can eat Charlie, I think it’s because Charlie wears too many necklaces. I better go, Julie wants to read me a story from a big smelly book! Bye!

                  Miles ate Julie, I don’t want to talk about it. Bye.

                  Charlie is very mad, he says it is not my fault but I think he is mad at me. Miles says he can’t eat Charlie but he will eat me soon. I’m very scared but I’m very sad too. Maybe Miles should eat me. Okay bye.

                  Miles is getting bigger and bigger, he is alike a big giant now and he is very scary. He was not this scary before and I think he is trying to be scary, I think he likes it when I am scared and cry. Charlie said he has a friend coming to help get rid of Miles, but Charlie doesn’t look happy anymore. I don’t want Charlie to get hurt too, I wish my life was normal like when I had mommy and daddy and Eddie. I wish Miles had come out from under someone else’s bed. Bye.

                  Charlies' new friend is named Tonya, she is very nice and has lots of pretty rocks. She likes to burn stuff that smells funny and she asks if that makes me feel funny and I say no. She asks if the smelly stuff makes Miles mad and I say no, it makes him happy. She doesn’t like that answer. Miles has been hurting me again, I have big scratches on my arms and he has pulled my hair so bad I have a spot where there is no hair now. It makes me cry. Charlie asked if I pulled my own hair and I said no! I hope Charlie doesn’t think I am doing the bad things. Tonya asked if I could draw Miles for her and I did, she didn’t have crayons so I had to use her pen. She took away the paper when I was gone, I hope she doesn’t run away. Miles is angry again, he keeps shaking my bed and throwing the chairs. Charlie says he knows I didn’t throw the chair because I was sitting on the bed. I think Charlie can almost see Miles now. I’m very scared. Bye.

                  Charlie is taking me to see the ocean, I am so excited. I have never seen the ocean before, will there be mermaids? Charlie says he can’t make Miles go away, Charlie says Miles is stuck to me and I am stuck to Miles. That makes me sad. He says I might keep hurting people, and I got very mad and said I am Susie! Not Miles! He said sorry, but I don’t think he’s sorry, I think he thinks I am bad like Miles. He is taking me to see the ocean, he says we will be very high up. I asked if we can play in the water and he says maybe, he says we will see it from a cliff, but maybe if I’m a good jumper I can play in the water. Okay bye!

                  Miles wants me to run away, Miles says Charlie is a bad man and is going to hurted me. Tonya went bye bye but Miles didn’t hurt her, Miles says Tonya could see him and that she told Charlie something very bad. Miles says now Charlie is a bad guy and Tonya is making Charlie do a bad bad thing. I miss Julie, I miss Mr. Lemmon, I miss my mommy and my daddy. Miles says if I go see the ocean Charlie going to push me into the water, Miles says if I get hurted Miles will just have to go find a new kid. I think Charlie is ready to go now, bye.

                  Charlie says I can make one more of these! He says I should tell whoever is listening that I am safe and happy. He says to tell you how excited I am to see the ocean from up so high! I wonder if I can touch a cloud? Charlie also said we get to jump from our tippy top high spot and fly to the water, that sounds fun. Miles is very mad but can’t hurt Charlie, Miles says Charlie is a bad boogerman and he is going to hurt me. Miles is gone now, I told Charlie Miles went bye bye to find a new kid to play with, but Charlie says I am lying. This made me mad and I started to cry, I said I am not lying, that Miles is all gone now. Charlie says I am pretending. I guess it’s time to go see the ocean now, he says when I jump into the water Miles will go bye bye forever. But Miles is already gone, I wish he believed me. Time for me to go, bye!